Meals Ready to Eat
by victoriantealady
Summary: Gibbs gets an unpleasant and unexpected surprise at lunchtime-I rated it T to be safe since there is mild swearing involved.


_Hello to all. This is my first fanfic and it might, no will be, somewhat confusing so a little explanation here. In my mind I have a series of stories dealing with Gibbs having a wife named Olivia who is NOT a redhead. Tony lives with them. I know I should have started at the beginning but that is soooo predictable and besides, this came to me as I was driving home from work and I had to immortilize it in print. And since I work the night shift you can imagine just what tired plot bunnies are doing at that time._

_I do hope you enjoy and review. I am very open to constructive critisim and reviews. This is unbetaed so all mistakes are mine as well as all cudos. _

_And I just want to take this time to tip my hat to all the authors out there who can produce wonderful stories so quickly. You never know the difficulties with writing until you try. It has been a real learning experience for me. _

_I also have one other longer story completed that I will be posting hopefully soon. Enjoy._

_I don't own the rights to anything NCIS since Don Bellisario does and I don't think he would share with me. Sob._

Meals Ready to Eat

It came upon everyone slowly taking them unawares. Slowly wafting thru the halls and into the main floor it came, tantalizingly coy, subtle and bewitching. Ensnaring and overpowering the senses of those it overtook rendering them under it's enchanting spell, making it difficult to concentrate on anything but it. And still it came making slaves of all within it's reach coming further into the main floor until the entire bullpen was conquered. Eyes and noses roved over the area looking for the source of the spell, anxious and eager in their need to know.

It was lunchtime at NCIS and someone had just heated up something that smelled unbelievable delicious.

In the area of the bullpen that was home to the MCRT three of the four agents usually there looked up and sniffed at the delectable aroma, their mouths watering with just that tantalizing whiff.

"Where's Tony?" Ziva asked looking around.

Just then Tony DiNozzo entered the bullpen holding a container of food along with a paper plate of bread. It was from these implements that the siren song of desire wafted.

Tony was intent upon reaching his desk without mishap. When he had reached safety and had carefully placed his lunch on his work surface he began to notice the attention he, or his lunch, was receiving from what seemed to be everyone on the floor. Casually glancing up he was startled to see Director Vance's secretary on the catwalk looking down at him with hungry desire writ large in her smoky eyes.

"Maybe I can get Olivia to bottle this as a cologne" he muttered to himself as he sat down and prepared to feast.

"What have you got there DiNozzo?" his boss Leroy Jethro Gibbs barked before he could begin to indulge in his orgy of taste.

"Homemade pasta carbonnara; noodles homemade and the alfredo sauce homemade with real cream, with homemade bread lightly brushed on top with olive oil and minced garlic and parmesan cheese and the inside of the slices lightly toasted and brushed with real butter and sprinkled with the garlic and cheese mixture that is also on top. And did I mention it was homemade?" By the time Tony was done enthusing about his lunch the entire floor was ready to mug him for it.

"Yeah Tony, you did. Several times" Gibbs grumbled to his senior field agent.

All the while McGee and Ziva looked at Tony like staving waifs from Oliver Twist ready to beg for some more, or actually for some at all. Tony glared at them letting them know not to bother. Right at that moment, with heaven on plate in front of him he could care less if they were starving or dying.

"Gee Tony, what about team spirit and camaraderie?" McGee groused.

"Indeed Tony. Do not teammates share in the good as well as the dangerous?" Ziva added with a glare of her own to remind Tony of her skills.

"First off Ziva, this has bacon in it so I don't think that's too kosher for you..."

"The bread doesn't" Ziva interrupted.

"Before I was sooooo rudely interrupted I was going to add that you can glare at me and threaten me with you trusty, handy-dandy, genuine Mossad issue paperclip all you want but there are just some things in this world that no amount of pleading or threatening will get you."

"And believe me, when it comes to this lunch, or anything that Olivia makes, especially from scratch, there is no team it's every one for themselves. So, I am keeping this to myself. But I will tell you how you would have enjoyed it if I had shared." And with that Tony began, again, to try and eat his lunch.

"Nice speech, DiNozzo, but aren't you forgetting something" Gibbs growled in growing irritation.

Looking over every morsel of culinary bliss in front of him Tony shook his head and replied: "Nope. Don't think so."

Gibbs stood abruptly and snapped "what about MY lunch DiNozzo!"

"Oh. Right." And with that Tony reached down behind his desk and pulled out a small, plainly wrapped package with military printing on it. He stood, walked around his desk and handed it to Gibbs then quickly got behind his desk again and started eating while keeping an eye on his boss, waiting. He didn't have to wait for long.

"MRE. An MRE? A Meals Ready to Eat? That's my lunch? What the hell? You get that and I get this?" Gibbs sounded furious but actually looked dumbfounded.

The entire floor suddenly became interested in what was going on in the bullpen.

"Well boss, yea that's what Olivia told me to give you. Said that that's what you would really want. After all you did say something like that to her earlier this week." Tony replied between hasty mouthfuls.

Gibbs just looked at him like he had two heads instead of two hands practically shoveling his food in his mouth.

"_What _did I say to Olivia? When did I say I preferred MRE's and stop shoveling your food like that DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked.

"If I was sure you wouldn't somehow steal my food then I would boss, really. After all food this good needs to be slowly, gently savored to really appreciate the subtle blending of flavors, the caress of..."

WHAP!

"It's a plate of food, not a sexual encounter DiNozzo!" Gibbs yelled. Someone on the other side of the wall muttered "that's what you think." Someone shushed him when Gibbs glared over in the general vicinity of the voices.

Rubbing his head Tony picked up his fork and explained. "Sunday, when Olivia made pot roast with potatoes, corn, homemade cornbread and salad. There was cake for dessert. When she went down into the basement to tell you dinner was ready all you replied was "huh", then she told you what it was in case you couldn't smell it you replied "huh", then when she nicely asked if you would be just as happy with military issue MRE's you replied "yea, probably" at which time she came back upstairs and we went ahead and ate dinner..."once more Tony was interrupted.

"Really? You actually said you wanted MRE's instead of heavenly, homemade food like this? Are you O.K.?" This last outburst was from McGee and when Gibbs turned to glare at him he was confronted with the sight of not only McGee and Ziva staring at him but everyone in the main floor space standing and nodding in agreement.

Gibbs found himself grinding his teeth in a frustrate desire to yell at everyone to mind their own business but the scent of Tony's lunch kept distracting him and he realized that his stomach was now rumbling in sympathy with his desire to grab Tony's lunch and wolf it down himself.

He didn't though. He was Senior Field Agent of the premier MCRT team and had his dignity to consider. Stupid dignity.

Looking down at the MRE still in his hand Gibbs ground out "NO I did not say I preferred MRE's! I said PROBABLY which I didn't mean. I was working on a project and not paying attention! What made Olivia think I meant it?" Gibbs was not only frustrated and hungry but becoming embarrassed too. Not a good combination.

"Well it might have been when you told her that you had fond memories of mealtimes with those MRE's and you could eat them whenever you needed to and you didn't have to worry about being bothered to go eat before everything got cold and hurting someone's feelings if that happened." Tony paused to take a bite of the ambrosia that was the bread.

Gibbs ground his teeth in frustrated desire. The aroma of the bread that Tony was very slowly eating and enjoying played with his stomach and senses the way a piano virtuoso caressed the ivory keys to create glorious harmony.

"Are those things dated?"

"Huh?" Gibbs was distracted by the apparent non-sequential.

"Dated. Are they dated?" Tony repeated.

Looking at the package Gibbs couldn't help but ask. "Why?"

"Olivia asked what war you were in. She assumed it wasn't the Korean War but didn't know about the rest. When I told her Desert Storm all she said was thanks. The next day she came home with a box of MRE's from a military surplus store that she said were from then, since you had such fond memories of them and all. She said she really wants you to be happy so if this would do it then so be it. something about auras and karma and such."

"WHAT!" Gibbs could no longer contain himself and storming over to his desk he picked up the phone to make a call.

"Not home boss." Tony said.

"What? Fine." Gibbs began to dial another number dimly realizing that he was saying what a lot today.

"Cell is at home though." Tony said. "Charging."

"What!" Gibbs ground his teeth again as soon as he realized what he had just said.

"She told you last night that she was going out today. You said "huh." Then Olivia told you that she would probably be gone the whole day. You said "huh." Then she asked you if you would be happier if she didn't bother you with details and you said "Yea, probably."

Slamming the phone down he sat there in extreme frustration trying to decide if he should just take the last of Tony's lunch or just let the condemned man enjoy his last meal.

There was an amused and disbelieving silence in the main floor when a voice was heard to mutter: "I would love to meet her." To which someone else replied: "Amen to that!"

By now Gibbs was on the verge of exploding. He was hungry, tired, and the whole floor was finding this whole exchange highly enlightening. Just then a thought occurred to him and unleashing the glare of doom on Tony he asked "Just when did Olivia cook that?"

Tony swallowed his bite of bread then replied "Yesterday but since we were late and had eaten here in the office she packed it away for lunch today. Left instructions on the best way to heat it for optimal enjoyment."

Gibbs abruptly stood up and once more glared at Tony who seemed strangely unaffected by it. Gibbs glared at the whole room and began to stalk out of the bullpen in what suspiciously looked like a temper tantrum, not that anyone with any kind of survival instinct would tell him.

Tony apparently had a death wish.

He stood up and walked towards his boss with a bag in his hand. The bag was adorned with a bright yellow caution label and the words: "In Case Of Meltdown Open and Heat Up."

"Here boss. This is for you. Olivia packed it just in case you didn't feel like indulging yourself with the MRE. Said she just knew that this probably wouldn't evoke the same pleasant memories but in a pinch..."

"Shut up DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked while grabbing the bag from his hand and quickly leaving the room with what little dignity he had left.

Entering the breakroom and finding it empty Gibbs allowed himself to relax and look forward to what was to come with an anticipation so intense it was almost physical.

Slowly wafting thru the halls and into the main floor it came, tantalizingly coy, subtle and bewitching. Ensnaring and overpowering the senses of those it overtook rendering them under it's enchanting spell, making it difficult to concentrate on anything but it.

And in the breakroom with his own plate of ambrosia in front of him and his favorite blend of coffee in his hand Gibbs sighed in happiness and began to eat.


End file.
